


Amongst The Moon and Sun.

by Lady_GothiKa



Series: Solas x Female Lavellan. [6]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Past Relationship(s), Pregnancy, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 20:22:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14818239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_GothiKa/pseuds/Lady_GothiKa
Summary: Ellana Lavellan struggles with the idea of being pregnant while having no idea who the father is, after having a one night fling with Cullen.She now has five months figure it out and cope with the criticism around her.





	Amongst The Moon and Sun.

**Author's Note:**

> You know those weird stories you write at 2 am? well this one of those...

# Amongst The Moon and Sun.

 

 

 

Being with Cullen always felt so natural. It was as easy as breathing or watching the sunset over the Frostbacks on a cold winter's eve. Ellana always thought of him as her Sun, her Lightbringer, her _Enlea’vun._ The one thing in this world that could actually be perfect and pure.

 

She remembered the first time she ever saw him. There was so much darkness and hate in the world, yet he was the first to give her the decency of kindred smile, even in the heat of battle.

 

That one smile had changed everything, it told her there was true light at the end of the cosmic tunnel that laid ahead.

 

He was brave, handsome and an amazing... _friend._

 

But Ellana’s maidenhood fantasies of her golden lion sweeping of her off her feet had ended before they even had a chance to begin. She had been taken by another, the hahren of her dreams. And unfortunately, that’s where he stayed. His name was Solas and he was her Moon, _Banal’evune._

 

He preferred _Vhenan_ , but he was always going to be her Moon, shining through her darkness, being a beckon to her. Telling her tales of fancy through the webs he weaved amongst the maps of the stars. She was his, as he was to her, and they were connected through a planet like force.

 

Yet it wasn’t to be. Cause like the Moon, it changed.

 

Though he remained in her skies, he tormented her dreams and oceans causing waves that could never be undone. She was destroyed, inside and out, leaving his mark for the world see. It was in that darkness, she sorts out her Sun.

 

-

 

Four months had now past, and not a day went by that she did not forget. She wore the reminder under her ever tightening blouse. She was starting to show, and could no longer could she hide behind the comforts of her skin, her own body was betraying her secret.

 

Leliana was the first to find out, she had known from the third passing passing month. The changes in her appetite and her lack of adventure had set off red flags within the mind of the ginger crusader. At first, it was talks of tea, rituals in secret, though all were dismissed and shunned from thought.

 

Josephine was the second the to know. Ellana herself had gone to her in her hour of need, a mess and desperate after Leliana’s talk. It only took Josephine one hour to change Leliana’s mind, her child had a purpose, destiny...hope. Josephine had now become her golden saint at her side, another sworn gift from the Gods.

 

-

 

At first, she believed she would have more time. That she could conceal it, hide it away. Though the Gods themselves had other plans. Ellana was now a ticking time bomb, ready to explode in exactly five months. However, everyone would know before then.

 

It wasn’t a matter of if, it was when.

 

It started with jokes at first, Bull and Sera had their laughs of the ever portly inquisitor and her ample taste for Orlesian cakes. She even humored them scoffing her fill when around them. But every laugh pulled at her, stripping her down, piece by piece, leaving her vulnerable and raw, nothing but open wounds.

 

Five months in, the laughs and jokes had come to a cease.

 

Something worse had taken over. Stares and whispers hushed when she entered rooms. When she turned, she could feel eyes burning through the back of her skull, particularly Cassandra’s. Her eyes told a thousand words but one stood out amongst the rest. ‘Disappointment.’

 

How could she be savor to her people when she could not even save herself.

 

-

 

It wasn’t long after she had a late knock on the door. A midnight confession of guilt had come her way. Cullen had somehow got the information out of Josephine or he just pieced clues together, either way, he never said.

 

Ellana had always figured he would be mad, maybe even have a reaction similar to Liliana’s. Though it was quite the opposite. He was thrilled, over the moon and beaming with radiance, like she had never seen.

 

Which made things even worse.

 

She knew in her heart it was Solas’.

 

Cullen was quick to dismiss the idea. He desired his idea of his essence growing within the confines of her womb. She wanted to believe in his tales of The Makers gifts, but she found herself lost in shades of grey.

 

In truth, she loved Cullen in a way she never could never truly understand. He was her crush from the beginning, a knight so gallant and brave. He was charming and kind, he made her smile and laugh. He made her feel things that even Solas could never provide; he spoke as if indeed there was a future.

 

But inside her heart ached for another, her Moon. the man that promised nothing.

 

-

 

Solas’ impeccable focus was all but destroyed when he found out. Ellana had almost convinced herself that his reaction would be similar to Cullen’s, perhaps somehow this child could bring them back together, maybe set a foundation for a new beginning.

 

 **She was wrong.**  

 

He flew into a rage unlike she had ever seen, tables were turned. Paper scattered the air. His mana sparking out of control, setting the curtains alight. A true beast had awoken from the serene of his eyes. She saw him now like she never had, maybe this was the real him.

 

He cursed aloud in elven even she did not understand, only certain words she could make out with her childlike vocabulary; something about him destroying everything he touched, Ellana didn’t understand.

 

And within minutes, he was gone.

 

A thousand things had run through her mind as to why he was so upset, maybe the idea of Dalish born child was in ill taste, maybe it wasn’t his first. She had no idea of his past. And so she remained clueless to his ideas and perceptions.

 

Then within one hundred and sixty-eight hours, he was back, acting like nothing had happened. It was the longest week of her life. She didn’t expect him to return, little alone be reeking of melancholy, whispering words of forgiveness, with a lingering sense of doubt. Solas then begun to blamed himself as usual.  

 

   

-

 

Six months had gone by, everyone now knew of her unexpected news. Through the ever remaining question of who the father is, was left unsaid and unanswered.

 

Vivienne taken it into herself set up reliable suiters to rid the Inquisition of its embarrassment, or in her words. ‘ _A stain that would never be washed clean.’_

 

Josephine had put an end to it as soon as she had heard the word, vanquishing any idea of the sort. Yet it didn’t stop Cullen coming to bedside within the eve, proclaiming his devotion to her and her unborn child, whether it was his or not. His unforeseen word of marriage had grasped her ears and shaken her to the core.

 

It was a sweet gesture, though it reminded her truth. Cullen knew nothing of her other than what was written down or said in polite conversion. He knew nothing of her heart or what laid within her dreams. Her culture and gods where nothing idle fantasies and bedtime stories.

 

-

 

Solas had remained the same, distant and reserved. He offered nothing but kind words hidden behind deep eyes of concern. Ellana had found it too much to bare at times, finding his silence deafening, as if he was hiding something greater from her.

 

Sometimes he spoke in riddles, saying things that had no meaning. He talked of hatching things she did not understand, things that could be harmful to herself and others, _jaws of wolves._ When she had confessed her doubt and his disdain, Ellana had jokingly asked if she was birthing a spawn of Fen'Harel, to which he replied only with a smirk that chilled her to the bone.

 

-

 

Seven months were now in the past, she had begun to take a new form of itself. She herself was beginning to look like a planet. Big and round her stomach swelled, she felt bigger every day, quickly outgrowing clothes before Josephine could get things made. In the end, Bull had come to the rescue, giving her his hand-me-downs. Shirts where now unshapely dresses to Vivienne’s dismay.

 

As the days grew longer, the Herald’s Rest started to live up to its name. Ellana found herself staying there longer and longer, finding the comfort in the little things. She enjoyed the music and talking to the Chargers. To her delight they seemed to amused by her latest status, they began taking bets on the gender and how many kicks per hour.

 

Iron Bull had taken in utmost delight when he won, and he did a lot. He had even made the babe an honorary member of the Chargers, saying anyone with a kick that fierce was welcome amongst their ranks. He held her stomach gently with his giant hand uttering one word in a hush.

 

**“Hissera.”**

 

When she asked for clarification, he simply winked with a smile of pride.

 

The name began to grow on her.

 

-

 

Eight months were hard, Ellana didn’t get out as much as she wanted. She often stayed in her room, or in the confines of a soft chair within the warmth of the library. Her stomach was so large now she frequently used it as an indispensable table to rest whatever she wanted in front of her.

 

Dorian now often spent time with her speaking aloud, yelling awkward facts across the room that left her red-faced and him muttering, “Isn’t that ghastly.”

 

Varric also regularly visited her during the evenings. They played cards and he updated her with the newest rumors of Hawke and her merry band of misfits around the globe.   

 

But what she really enjoyed was watching Solas painting from down the rotunda. He truly was a marvel, whether he loved her or not. And she okay with that.

 

-

 

Eight and half months was hell. Ellana would have preferred the deepest pit of The Fade, which made her really question if she was spawning a babe of Fen'Harel. Her back ached like it never had, and she was craving things she had never tasted.

 

And worse, her anchor was starting to sting again. Solas was now by her side 24/7 whether he liked it or not. Holding her hand, dulling her outer pain and replacing from within. He spoke hardly and remained silent for hours on end. She figured he somehow blamed himself, yet she didn’t see how.

 

When he did speak, he only uttered facts. “ _It’s coming soon - we must be ready - it’s interfering with the anchor, I cannot fathom why.”_ But he always knew. She guessed that the truth itself would be hard, maybe even worse.

 

-

 

 

 

Nine months never came.

 

 

 

  
Everything was a haze. The only thing that made sense was the pain. It felt as if her insides were being twisted and pulled from her body, and maybe they were.

 

Her chest felt heavy, it was hard to breathe. Every breath of air was harder than the last.

 

The anchor pulsed causing a mayhem.

 

Then it didn’t, and the pain was numb.

 

Everything felt dark.

 

For a moment everything seemed like a dream, a really long dream.

 

Her mind wandered to memories she had not thought of in what felt like a lifetime. Thoughts of halla, traveling aravel’s over hot summer sands. She remembered what felt like to run through forests barefoot and carefree.

 

She remembered her maidenhood fantasizes and times of innocence. She thought of Cullen, the time he found her lost in the snow, cold alone, broken and battered after the destruction of Haven. Ellana had felt so safe within his arms, so secure in the site of his autumn eyes and honey curls.

 

It was then that she dreamed of Solas. Though his feelings were always full of hesitation and ambivalence, she believed he truly loved her once.

 

 

 

Once.

 

 

 

Once was enough.

 

 

-

 

 

 

When Ellana parted the darkness she was greeted by a new face and new eyes. A face she knew was her true _Vhenan_ , her true love and someone she knew they would love her unconditionally. It didn’t matter who they were, they were a Lavellan.

 

**Because even amongst the Moon and Sun, something brighter shone.**

 

**Her World.**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**-**

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:
> 
> (Elven)
> 
> Enlea’vun - Light Sun.  
> Banal’evune - Dark Moon.
> 
> (Qunlat)
> 
> Hissera - Hope.


End file.
